Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
