Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was confusing and full of hummus
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize