Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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