I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
