Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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