You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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