please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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