Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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