You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
