and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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