That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
