HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
