There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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