i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize