how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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