I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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