Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
