That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
porn star boner night. come get it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
