my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
