I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
