Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
