I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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