the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
