so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
