omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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