For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Alive.
So much puke
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
