just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
