Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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