just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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