Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
