HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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