i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
