OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
