I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
