and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
