We won't sleep together?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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