i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
