I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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