this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
