wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
