I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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