If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
