One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
