after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
