come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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