Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
