I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
