I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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