To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
