White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
