Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
