you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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