My brain says no but my pants say off.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
