he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
