walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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