"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
