Duck Duck Cougar?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
