12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
