peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
