I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
