At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
