I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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