Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
