break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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