the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
