New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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