i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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