I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
