i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
