All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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