meet me or not, i'm out of control
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
