Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's shark week go big or go home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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