I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
