This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
