dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
