Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
