They should really pass out barf bags in church
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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